Defining the Enchantment

The title of this blog alludes to something magical, potentially reminiscent of a Disney-esque mental picture.  That imagery, in a way, captures the view of a child when their parents get divorced or separated and they now have two homes to enjoy.

Do not misunderstand, however.  This enchantment period can only be attained once they have properly grieved the loss of their initial family setting - the one where mom and dad are both residing under the same roof, where they have a room with all of their beloved possession, and may even have full access to a family pet.  Each child will have to express their sadness, anger, denial, bargaining, and eventual acceptance that this is no longer their daily reality.  Only after this is achieved, can the child in the situation move to the enchantment phase.

Enchantment is similar to the concept of the "Disney dad (or parent)" that has long been discussed in the field of mental health and the legal profession.  The term "Disney dad" defines a parent as one who spoils their child during their custody time in an effort to win over the child's affections.  The unspoken part of this concept is that the Disney parent will also instill some sense of resentment toward the parent whom cannot provide the same level of "wow" factor.  Enchantment is slightly different in the fact that it is what the child is experiencing emotionally and mentally when visiting the parent whom has exited the marital situation.

A child experiences enchantment with a parent in a quasi obsessive manner.  The child will constantly ask to see or speak with the parent, want to see the parent, talk about the parent's new home/life/hobbies/activities, and more.  They will believe that their parent is the focus of their attention as they try to continue to sort out their feelings regarding their parents now separate lives and understand how this impacts their daily functioning.  Here is where the parent in this position is crucial in the development of this ideology.  If the "ousted" parent assumes the role of the Disney parent, they are already instilling a false attachment and impacting their child's development, leading to the eventual demise of the relationship.  However, if parents in this situation are able to productively co-parent, it will minimize the potential of the child becoming dis-enchanted with their parent.